I’m looking for something more…

I’m not quite sure why I wait so long to post on this… I always end up feeling like it’s half done, or that what I REALLY wanted to say, was never said. The other half of the time I’m horrified someone will judge me for what I’m about to post. Now, again, I’m in the same spot thinking about what I feel. How stupid am I to actually care what people think about my writing? I write what I want and how I want. I really want to backspace everything I just wrote, but why? what’s the point of trying to word something in a way that might grab someones attention? A compliment? Or get a laugh or a nod of agreement out of someone? I feel like a 15 year old again; wanting the approval of classmates. I’m 20 years old for cryin’ out loud… when do we grow out of that stage FULLY? I mean, I don’t care what people think about my clothes, my beliefs, or my lifestyle; but when it comes to my voice, my raw feelings, I care more then ever. 

As a teacher, I want more then anything to show my students how powerful their voices are, how just a few letters squished into a word can make a difference. That what they say and feel really does matter. I mean after all, every big thing that’s happened in history, weather it be a war, a genocide, a mass shooting, an incredible speech, an act that changed history, a show, a movie or anything else worthy of putting in a text book, started from a thought, from a simple feeling that one person decided to share with another. Why do we feel like our voices don’t matter? Maybe because everything we say is under a microscope of a teacher, a parent, an editor, or even Facebook with their ability to delete anything they want. Maybe I’m wrong.

Then again… when is a voice too loud? Too… wrong? Too open, too honest, too rude, too raw? When do we cross the line of speech? Let’s get real, “freedom of speech” really isn’t “free”. We all pay for what we say in one way or another at some point in our lives.

I have no clue what else to say. I want to say I’m sorry for not posting a cool article on here, or for not relating this completely to class or teaching, but I’m not going to because these are the things I think about, these are the reasons why I want to teach, because I believe students dont have to go out and get slammed by the world to know how to live in it. They can be taught so much more then just what a textbook says. I have no clue how to do that… I’m working on it.

Isn’t the world so much bigger then what textbooks have to offer? I found this quote on Pinterest (my own personal form of wasting time) and it sums up how I feel abut teaching pretty darn well. 

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About shelbyjayy

I guess thats something you'll just have to figure out yourself. Maybe through this blog, maybe through Facebook, maybe through stalking me... or maybe... sitting and having coffee with me

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